Two emails have dropped into my inbox this week that had my heart in my throat a little bit.
They both asked me the same question:
‘How do you keep your shit together?’
(Ok they didn’t ask me that exact question, but I’m utilising a little artistic licence on this one).
Ignoring the fact that I definitely don’t have it all together all of the time, I want to explore what I believe I do have.
It took me so long to find. Years, in fact.
Compassion, as a human, for MYSELF.
Every day I tell myself (and you have to absolutely practice this, and train yourself, and work at it, like anything else you want to maintain) that I’ve got everything I could ever need within me, at any given point, to be JUST FINE. More than fine in fact. Freaking bloody jazz-handed, disco-panted, glitter-coated awesome.
I’ve got spirit, I’ve got passion, but most of all I’ve got a love for life and a patience with myself that doesn’t care if my pancreas functions, doesn’t care if my tummy rolls when I sit down, doesn’t care that my boobs could be a little bigger. I’ve got the ability to dance and sing, interact and laugh, bond, delight in the simplest of things, see all the wonderfulness in the world around me, to LOVE.
And the best thing there? You can have all those things too, right this very second. Right now. Noone and nothing, not even a life-long chronic condition that requires constant self-management, has the power to take that away from you. The only thing that will stop you from believing it is yourself.
That’s the essence of my percieved having-shit-togetherness.
And it is perceived, just as you telling yourself you’re worthless is perceived. But look how powerful they both are.
You’ve just got to look at yourself. I don’t mean stand and look at all the bad things you see in the mirror, just look into your eyes and see what’s there. Tell yourself, properly, fully, under no uncertain terms, that you’re god damn awesome. You’re extra super awesome because you deal with some serious shit every single day, just to keep yourself alive. You make dozens of decisions you’re not even conscious of because you’ve got your shit SO together – stuff that so many other people don’t have to think about, and hopefully never will. Let that, dear lovely human, EMPOWER you, not destroy or define you.
We absolutely need to be kind to each other to keep the world turning, but at the very core of that it’s vital, crucial, CRITICAL that we are kind to ourselves.
The Golden Rule across many religions is ‘do unto others and you would have them do unto you’. But are you following that rule for yourself? Through the berating, the self-hatred, the criticism of how much you’re getting it wrong?
You’re not getting it wrong, by the way.
You have everything you need, right now. But you have to dig a little within you first. Shut those destructive, negative thoughts down (they are just thoughts, they are not facts) and replace them with ones that allow you to see how much shit you really do have together. Whatever happens on any given day, no matter what, you are going to be ok. Keep listening to yourself, sure, but listen to how much you are offering the world just by being in it. Despite all the shit-togetherness, we will make mistakes, take the wrong doses of insulin, go the wrong way, do the wrong thing, probably for the rest of our days. I do, and it’s okay. But ultimately, look after your being, look after your soul. Look after it and tell it that you’re here, and you’re living and doing and being and seeing and experiencing and loving and actually, that you are rocking the shit out of life.