Things have been looking pretty shiny of late. Beach vibes, climbing mountains, pinch me moments and wild, WILD contentment. But going from highlights reel to silence is not cool, so I’m popping out a little dose of social media realness because in a curated, filtered world of the extraordinary, it’s important to expose the mundane too.
I’ve been back in the UK for two weeks, straight back to work after travelling, slightly dazed, but High. On. Life. Bouncing around like a puppy, overjoyed at just about everything. New plants, the whispers of spring. I was zen and calm and so damn chill.
By contrast, the vibes coming from within have taken a turn this week. My heart is just a little tense. Nothing dramatic has changed; nothing’s happened that wasn’t already happening. I really should have taken the hint when I kicked off my week by dropping my debit card in the toilet, but there’s a low level rumble of angst that I haven’t felt for many, many months. Sleep has been iffy. I haven’t exercised. There’s a mild cold knocking about my head. My insulin doses have been around 20% higher, but that’s maybe because I’ve spent the week gobbling up my feelings. As I jot it all down here, it’s absolutely no surprise that the feels are funky. But what I can never quite figure out in these moments is whether these symptoms are cause, or effect.
I’m wondering about so quickly drifting back into the pace of life that London demands – which isn’t one that my mind always needs or wants, I’ve come to realise. My weeks can’t always be wine tastings and paragliding and whale spotting at sunset, sure, but not constantly running for the next thing while I was away brought me a lot of peace. This week I’ve covered serious ground just getting from A to B, and like everyone, there is life admin and decisions to make and obligations and working hard and and keeping up and just trying to be decent at occupying my little space on this earth.
This all being said, life is bloody rosy and I know that. It really is. But that doesn’t mean that this funky flatness isn’t valid, and not something I should confront. It will lift imminently, of that I’m sure, and life will continue. Ever-shifting, ever-evolving, messy and wonderful life. Plus, I’ve got my new plant to kick back with. She seems pretty cool ✌
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