One Foot in Front of the Other

I woke up and resolved to put one foot in front of the other today, to try and make sense of the untethered, apocalyptic chaos that we’re all experiencing – not just the headlines but the many layered stressors that this crisis brings; the way it sprawls so much further than the threat of Covid-19 itself, into hearts and minds and livelihoods.

So I FaceTimed my mum in her household of one to check she’s ok. Then my brother, then various lovely friends. My Dad even called ME, which was rather lovely. I went for a run which was sloppy and slow, eventually managing a solid distance aided by a playlist called ‘Joyful Woman Running’ which is as unapologetically ridiculous as it sounds. My blood sugars played ball and my type 1 diabetes hasn’t yet come screaming at me in retaliation.

I listened to two deliciously insightful podcasts (if you need to feel soothed right now, 30 seconds of Gregory Porter’s voice will do it) while I went for a walk to buy some cheese because ‘tis the season and saw a man on Upper Street riding an actual Penny Farthing – potentially the last remaining baffling occurrence of 2020 but let’s not play with fire. I’m now sat in my nice flat, with my plate of cheese and my health and sanity intact, about to watch Burlesque for the fourth time this week because although it’s kind of terrible, the combination of Cher, Xtina and Stanley Tucci in the same frame is undeniably fabulous and I would argue more of a remedy than anything the UK government has offered for a long time.

So what I did today, I think, (aside from reiterating once more just how basic I truly am and how sequinned I wish to be) was find myself feeling ok with the space ~in between~ all the untethered, apocalyptic chaos. Without dismissing the reality of what’s happening, and how heartbreaking it is, I found so much in the bit where the silence lies: the void that can often be so daunting to even acknowledge, let alone sit with.

In there I found solace and gratitude and calm and perspective on the many privileges I have in this life. There’s every chance that tomorrow I‘ll just hide on the sofa, but today I put one foot in front of the other… and it got me pretty far.